DDP Yoga

DDP Yoga:  Diamond Dallas Page Yoga

                  Even as pre-pubescent teens, we all knew he was forming a vagina with his hands.

                  Even as pre-pubescent teens, we all knew he was forming a vagina with his hands.

So, just a bit of backstory. 

I was at my buddy's 30th birthday party the other night, and I was shocked by a few things: 

1) The amount of Jameson whiskey I was able to drink in a three hour period. 

2) How terribly awkward it is being the only single man at a party when your friends are all desperately trying to set you up with their friends. At least MOST of them were women. 

3) How difficult it is to hide an uninvited high-school boner whilst wearing tight jeans. 

4) Seeing that one of your friends has mysteriously lost weight, is looking sexy AF and is now engaged to a talented bombshell of a woman. 

Above all else, #4 stood out to me (#3 just worried me). 

My friend, we'll call him Mike, is a great guy, has a fantastic personality, and deserves exactly everything he gets. Mike's also a handsome dude, but he'd put on a few pounds in his twenties, and people that don't know him and happened to see him with his fiance would automatically assume that he's hung like a horse, fucks like Tom Selleck and has more money in his pocket than the stripper I fell in love with in Vegas and subsequently fed greenbacks to like she was starving. 

But truth is he was looking good, Mike's fiance is an absolute sweetheart and I'm pretty certain those two are going to live a long and happy life together. It also gives regular schlubs like me hope. Which brings me to my point. 

In a drunken stupor I found out that Mike lost all that weight in two months doing DDP Yoga. He said it was easy, took an hour or two out of his week, and he was seeing results fast. These are all things that sound doable, and so I did what any sane person would do. 

I downloaded all of the DDP Yoga videos illegally and gave it a whirl. 

The videos are hilarious. Just imagine a 90's wrestler on a yoga mat, growling at you to join him as he performs his patented batch of yoga/calisthenic movements he calls his Diamond Dozen. It looks something like this video:

Okay you got me . . . that's some creepy WWF "Attitude Era" segment that I feel dirty even posting here, but the look on DDP's face and the production value is too fucking priceless that I couldn't resist. This shit used to be on TV people. 

In reality, the movements are simple and you can feel your heart-rate skyrocketing almost from the moment your feet hit the mat. I've done intermittent yoga in my time, tried all sorts of high intensity workouts and, to be quite honest, I've hated them all. But so far, after a couple weeks of DDP Yoga, I'm actually kind of liking it.

Diamond Dallas Page has great energy in the videos, the package has workouts for everyone that vary in time and intensity, and most of all it's ridiculous and fun. The workouts actually deliver what they promise and I love the fact that I don't have to bust my ass at and expensive gym among the muscle-heads and Instagram photo-whores.

So would I recommend DDP Yoga? 

Honestly, not sure yet. Like any workout, these things take time and while I feel good now there's a chance results could flat-line and I could get bored. I'm only a few weeks in and so far I've lost a few pounds, gotten more flexible and, most importantly, my joints don't hurt from high-impact workouts like weight-lifting and running. I might only be 30, but I have the crippled body of a bow-legged, hockey-playing Ukrainian, and if I'm still enjoying this after a few more weeks, who knows? We could be seeing a new Dustin.

Visit the DDP Yoga Website for more info, and if you'd like to join me, trial the workouts by downloading the torrent package of videos on the internet. If you don't know how, well then grow the hell up and plan on checking out my upcoming blog post on torrenting. I'll show you how you can cancel your cable and get free movies/television in HD quality for free. Because that's the kind of man I am!

Updates to come!