A Blog

Enter Dustin Does: a slightly narcissistic blog dedicated to my unruly adventures, blunders, successes and every day observations that I'll exaggerate and make entertaining for all you normal folk out there. 

Because that's all I am - just a normal guy, with a normal-sized penis, living in a Normal Guy With A Normal-Sized Penis World. 

                                                              They forgot step one of measuring your penis: Remove your scrotum

                                                              They forgot step one of measuring your penis: Remove your scrotum

But if I'm just an average dude, then what's the difference between us? 

It's simple, and maybe you do it too: I take stock of the normal world, dissect it with my over-active imagination and spit it out on paper daily. Some call it a gift (my mom). Others call it a mental illness (everyone else). I call it my life.  

A little about me: 

I'm a traveler. I've been all over the world, from South Africa to Costa Rica to Amsterdam and . . . like one or two places in between. I'm thrilled to say that at each stop I drank my face off, put things in my body best reserved for that weird, twitching guy you always see outside your apartment building, and generally had an amazing time with memorable, shareable experiences. Unfortunately, an apparent side effect of all those substances is that I barely remember any of it past what food I ate and that one girl at the swim-up bar that wasn't aware that her nipple fell out of her bikini. 

But, yeah, I get around and see stuff, and that's a big part of why I'm writing this all down: to make sure to have photo evidence of the swim-up bar nipple girl posted on a public domain website. 

Wait...what? 

I'm an author. I partially sustain myself with my meagre earnings as a published author and professional ghostwriter. You can check out the links in my About page if you're interested in reading my fiction, or you simply want to contact me so I can sell myself to you in the most consensual way possible. This includes writing your own personal bio or detailing a short story you've always wanted written about a shy rhino jerking off an over-eager chimpanzee (I will write anything for money).  

Trust me...there are weirder things out there... 

                 Apparently, our world has an appetite for this. God help                                                                                         us all.

                 Apparently, our world has an appetite for this. God help                                                                                         us all.

But this website isn't about my writing. It's about everything BUT my writing. So if I start talking about it, please be sure to chastise me and send me hate mail with your personal address attached so I can harass you and call you a bully in front of your mom. 

I'm also divorced and now I'm dating. Short story: was in a relationship for 10 years, wife turned out to be super-gay, now I'm dating and fucking and spending way too much money on women that are way too good for me.  

But not all of them. Some of them make my nose bleed just thinking about them (oh . . . oh there it goes again), and a big part of this blog will be detailing my misadventures and unlikely successes along the way. 

Also, future second wife - just know that our entire sex life, including the hidden camera footage from our bedroom, will be posted on this website. So if you're wondering why I'm saying things like "Yippee-kai yay, motherfucker!" in the bedroom, it's because I'm catering to an audience. And no, YOU'RE the one being irrational for thinking this is weird. Fine . . . I'll go sleep on the couch . . . 

And write another blog post... 

So if I've kept your interest thus far, here's the format for the blog:  

Dustin Does . . . A Blog 

Dustin Does . . . A Rectal Exam 

Dustin Does . . . His Skydiving Instructor 

Dustin Does . . . A Rectal Exam on His Friend 

Ect . . . 

Pretty simple format, pretty standard, informative content. Think you got it?  Good, because we're going on a little ride together, and you're gonna laugh your fucking face off the entire way.